As I sat on the "thinking chair" (from which all inspration ultimately comes) I noticed that the roll wasn't smaller in diameter or, probably, number of sheets (I didn't roll it out to count....this time), but it was, in fact, narrower!
This in itself isn't much of a problem for me, being somewhat typically male and having less of a "following". I don't remember many times, if ever, using the entire width of said paper in the first place (or any other place, either). It CAN pose a problem to those more "anatomically endowed" who trust this product to protect delicate digits in a somewhat undignified duty.
Immediately my suspicions ran to yet another conspiracy theory by "whoever starts those things" about the shrinkage of related products for and maintenance of this physical attribute. Now bicycle seats will get even narrower (I haven't been able to comfortably sit on one of those since Pee Wee Herman-style bicycles went out of style), theater seats will be closer together and more popcorn will be spilled (adding to the likelihood of serious falls), and even bikini bottoms will get smaller (wait, they can't, can they?).
Butt reduction surgery will be the next greatest epidemic in this country and with the cuts in health care and increase in doctor fees, we'll have the next great crisis facing mortal man - too much ass {wait a minute - I already ragged on politicians recently, didn't I? - well, they're gonna get it again anyway!}
US auto makers can now continue to decrease the size of their cars (nobody's buying them anyhow), right up to the point that the "bigbutts" won't fit anymore, then we'll all be driving single-seaters (wait a minute, what will this do to car pools - we're all supposed to join them, aren't we? I joined one a while back and now I have to go lots of places I don't even want to go and sometimes have to wait all day at somebody's business just because one of the people in the car pool works there. I don't think car pools are for me!)
Maybe there is still a possible solution - genetic engineering. Yeah, that's it, we'll just "breed out" the wide ones and keep the narrow style going. There'll be more room in the bed as progress is made in this research, so results will be exponential and eventually we'll all fit together more comfortably.
Ooh, is this genetic engineering a politically correct topic? Have I stirred up yet another hornet's nest of controversy? Maybe this whole 'narrow toilet paper' topic will take more thought. Well, you know where you can find me!
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